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Eulogies for My Dad

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Eulogies for My Dad

I’d been going through memorabilia from my Mom’s house, and came across the cards and notes sent to my Mom when Dad died in 1974. There was one I’d always remembered, and it was on the bottom of the pile, but along the way I got to read many letters and notes that had arrived after I had returned to Philadelphia. They make me sad, and bring my Dad back to life for me. Context: my Dad was a profoundly good listener. He died in February. We lived near Buffalo, NY. The cousins writing about ‘Uncle Al’ were in their late 20's and early 30's.

Dear Mrs. Stiker,
It was with great sadness that we read of Al’s death in the Advertiser. Although East Aurora is a small village we do not, regrettably, see and keep in touch with people who have touched our lives significantly.
We will never forget Al. To know him was to respect him. He brought a dignity of humanity and being we seldom experience in public life. However, his honesty and courage and piercing forthrightness is indicative of the character of this resident of East Aurora that makes our community so unique. As Dave and I felt his substance as a man of his own convictions, so the community knew him, too. His interest, care and support will be a void the community will find difficult to fill. We mourn his passing.
Our sympathy is sincerely extended to you and your family.
Very truly yours,
M. and Mrs. David Elmer

Dear Mary,
     A letter from MJ was waiting for me when I got to Hong Kong today. In it was the terrible news that Al had died on February 28th.
     It is not necessary for me to tell you of the strength and support I have had from both of you over all these years. You do not need any reminders of the kindnesses you and Al extended first to me and then to MJ and me ever since I can remember. When so many others whose contacts with Al were not so ‘daily’, feel so great a loss, the blow for you must be nearly insupportable. There are no words for consolation or grief - only expressions of the love we all extend.
     Mary, we love you, we grieve with you, we share a smaller portion of your loss, and we welcome the opportunity to be of help. Please call on us.
                                                      Hube and MJ

Dear Aunt Mary,
     Mom just phoned to tell me of Uncle Al’s death. To say you have our deepest sympathy is totally inadequate to express what I feel. I’m sure you know how much we both loved him.
     There are fewer than a dozen people I’ve met in my life who I think of as ‘beautiful people’; Pop was one, Dad was one, and Al was another. It is the death of these people who truly diminish the world. Everyone who met them had to be influenced by their existence; anyone who never knew them is diminished. Just as I have always regretted that Dick never knew Pop, I shall always be sorry that Andrew will never know Uncle Al.
     I don’t know what to say. I wish we could be there. Perhaps it will help to know that we share your sorrow and your loss. Please give our sympathy to Sue and Martha.
     Take care, and let us know if there’s anything we can do. Much, much love,
                                                   Dick and Nance

Dear Mary,
     All my love to you. What is, just is. “Gone but not forgotten” just about sums it up...
     I’m not coming to the service, nor sending flowers. I’m making a contribution to ‘the charity of your choice’. My choice is to send my favorite charities, Barbara and Nat, $15 each and tell them to get a book they really want and then write in it “In Memory of Al Stiker”. They were both fond of Al, too. Come to think of it, didn’t everyone like him?
     Nat said a good one this last week. When told Al had lost speech ability, he said, “That won’t bother him much, he could say anything with his ‘uh huhs’”. Love to Marth and Sue. Come to visit any time you want.
                                                      Love, Helen   Dear Mary,
     Lee and I were shocked to read in the Advertiser of Al’s passing and wish to extend our deepest sympathy to you and all of your family.
     We remember Al as one of the most sincere and friendly persons we have known. He was always interested in and helpful to other people. He was truly liked by everyone.
     I especially remember how helpful and cooperative he was as a member and President of the Board of Education. He was a leader of the group in his own quiet way and always seemed to know just when and where to direct the deliberations of the Board toward positive action while encouraging and drawing out, if necessary, individual participation of each and every member. He was a firm believer in the rights and responsibilities of the individual which is the true mark of the democratic process.
     It was my privilege and pleasure to work with Al and I always held him in the highest regard.
     We deeply regret that we will be unable to renew out acquaintance with Al, but are looking forward to meeting again with you when we return to East Aurora this summer.
     We are sure that the many fond memories and the nearness of your family will sustain you in this time of sadness.
     Please accept our condolences.            Lee and Charles Horton

Dear Aunt Mary,
     Just wanted you to know that I’m thinking of you and that you are in my prayers these days. Death’s separation is never easy to deal with or understand, I guess. I went to mass Friday after Dad called and I was thinking about that. I was also thinking about you and Uncle Al and what a beautiful life you’ve had together. From what I’ve known and seen of you both, I guess there’s been two things that have most impressed me: one is the way you’ve always given of yourselves to others, the way you’ve always shared the love you’ve found; the other is the marvelous way you’ve always been able to find enjoyment from all of life - from the natural beauty of the earth to the beauty in people. I find both of these things so uncommon among so many people I’ve known.
     Probably both of those things will help you now. The world you’ve known is still there and although it misses Uncle Al, it is still the world you came to know together. As for the people you’ve known and loved, they will be there as a source of strength but also as witness to a love that lives beyond all separation.
     I’m thinking of you often, and though I can only guess at the sorrow, I know too that you are a woman of great strength, one who I admire very much, and that who you are can only be deepened by what happened. Take care. Love,
                                                            Vicky

Dear Aunt Mary,
Wanted to let you know how saddened both Kern and I were at the news of Uncle Al’s death. So often I’ve thought of you, Martha, and Sue this past week. I have such joyful memories of Uncle Al and am thankful for them. He often spoke to me when I needed speaking to and other times it was a loving arm around the shoulders when that was more appropriate. I appreciate the memory of moments like those, but his passing is a great loss to me as well as those many others who loved him.
Kathy

Dear Mary,
     Dave and I were heartsick to hear about your Al’s dying - we’re so sorry.
     Last Sunday afternoon was such a beautiful day - the sun was shining and the wind was warm - blue sky everywhere - so spring-like. Dave, Katie and I went down to the field behind Howe’s with a colorful cloth kite. We looked over and saw the raft of cars at Howe’s and realized how many people were thinking of Al, as we were. “Well,” said Dave, “if there ever was a joyful, free spirit, it was Al Stiker. He would love the idea of a soaring kite, zooming upward during his funeral.”
     Our thoughts and prayers are with you, Mary.
     Sincerely,                                 Anne and Dave Moore